Because I Love You
by Smiley-San
Summary: I thought love was a sweet and tender feeling. I didn't think it would almost mark my end. Then again, Ruka already belonged to someone else, my best friend, Hotaru Imai. MxN. Rated-T for self-harm. One-Shot


**Because I Love You**

 **Hey, guys I know I have 3 stories to work on but I've had this Idea of a small one-shot. I hope you like it!**

 **I DO NOT OWN GAKUEN ALICE**

 **Summary: I hurt, I cry. I cut, I bleed. I love, I break. My heart is broken so I cry but it isn't enough, I cut and bleed to heal the pain, I fell in love, yet I'm heartbroken. Because I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend. No one cares. At least that's what I thought. MxN**

* * *

As I sit at the back of the classroom staring out the window. I listen to my classmates happily chatting, gossiping and arguing with each other.

And from the 28 students in the classroom, I hear two specific students happily bickering with each other.

"Hotaru! Stop taking those pictures!" My crush a.k.a Ruka Nogi the schools 'prince'. He's the second hottest boy in school. And best friends with my nemesis: Hyuuga Natsume.

"No way. Unless you pay for them all." Hotaru, my best friend said with money signs in her eyes. She's cold and can seem unemotional the opposite of me and Ruka. But for some strange and unexplainable reason, they're dating. But even if Hotaru doesn't show it, she's madly in love with Ruka.

Just like he is with her.

They've been dating for a few months. And during those months Hotaru has changed considerably (In a good way). She talks more, is a not as cold as she used to be, she even blackmails less!

I first met Ruka in 2nd grade. I used to be unemotional and uncaring just like Hotaru. At the time, I had no friends except Ruka. Slowly but eventually I started to become the person I am today. Cheerful and energetic. I pretend to be idiotic and naïve so they wouldn't know of my true feelings. I have many friends and I treasure them all even Hotaru though I envy her, she IS and always will be my best friend.

I met Hotaru a year after I met Ruka in 3rd grade. She was a new student. At first, I didn't like her much because reminded me of how I was before I met Ruka. At the time, I started realizing my feelings for him. And it grew deeper and deeper with every passing day.

Hotaru and I became partners in a science project. We passed with flying colors and had much fun doing the project. After that, she asked me to become her best friend. I was overjoyed because I never had a best friend before.

Hotaru and Ruka were close since the second they met. It was obvious they liked each other. And for me, the pain was too much. I couldn't take it so I started to cut when I was barley 12 years old.

The feeling of the cold blade cutting through my skin eases my sorrow even if it's just for a bit, it helps **(A/N Do NOT cut D:).** I walked towards my favorite sakura tree. I sat down and tried to sleep but I felt someone pull my hair.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into alluring crimson eyes. I glared at him, he's my nemesis but he I admit he is good looking. Too bad he has a huge ego. If he didn't I might have liked him but currently, I like Ruka. Yet I know he will never be mine because his heart belongs to someone else.

Yet I know he will never be mine because his heart belongs to someone else.

I feel the tears running down my cheeks at the thought of it. Natsume looks at me concern evident on his gorgeous features. I followed my instinct and ran, I ran to my room as fast as possible. It was pure instinct but I know I have to get away from him.

He can't do anything about my problems. Besides, he wouldn't care. Why would he? No one does. They don't know what goes on behind these doors. They don't care.

Natsume always calls me an idiot, polka dots, ugly, annoying etc… Maybe, just maybe he's right. Maybe it's better if I never existed.

Tears started falling one by one I cried like tomorrow didn't exist.

And maybe it won't exist. For me at least.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed the knife I usually use to cut myself. I sat on my bed and stared at the knife for a whole minute wondering if this is the right thing to do.

Suddenly a picture of Natsume flashed in my mind. I shook my head getting rid of any thoughts that might make me stop.

I placed the silver blade against my neck cutting until crimson blood leaks out.

Crimson just like just like his.

A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Mikan. Are you ok?" My eyes widened it was Natsume. What really got my attention was the fact that he called me by my name.

"I'm fine don't worry. Just leave I'll see you at school tomorrow. Eventually." I mumbled the last part but since Natsume used to go to missions a few months ago, I guess he heard it.

"Mikan? What do you mean by eventually?" He said from the other side of the door. I hurried and pressed the knief deeper and faster. It stings and it hurts but I know that if I continue in a matter of time I won't be feeling any pain, in fact, I wouldn't be feeling anything at all.

I'd be free from all of my misery.

"Open the door! If you don't I'll break it down." I ignored him continuing.

I heard a loud bang. I heard him walking towards my room. I tried cutting any faster if possible but it seemed like everything was in slow motion. Deep down I felt like I wanted him to stop me, to hold me, to hug me and comfort me.

To love me.

The door slammed open. I stopped cutting he looked at me wide-eyed I was about to run out the door but he did the one thing I never imagined he would. He held me tight with silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Don't, please don't die. Don't kill yourself." He paused before adding:

"I can't live without you." He said his voice unstable.

I hugged him tight just like he did with me before asking:

"Why?"

* * *

After that day, we started hanging out a lot. A month later we officially started dating. It was probably the best time of my life. It felt so magical and so… Unrealistic.

When we graduated, nothing changed. Eventually, I met his parents. They're kind, caring and they treat me as if I was their own child.

When we graduated University and got a job we lived with each other and after some time he asked me to marry him.

We got twins and named the Hiro and Hana. And honestly, if he didn't stop me from doing suicide I don't think I would live the pleasures in life that I did till now.

I smiled as I remembered the words he told me the day he saved my life.

* * *

 _Flashback_

" _Don't, please don't die. Don't kill yourself. I can't live without you." He said his voice unstable._

 _I hugged him tight just like he did with me before asking:_

" _Why?"_

 **" _Because I Love You"_**

* * *

 **I know many of you are waiting for chapters of my stories but I woke up and got this idea in mind. Hope you all like it! :D**

 **~Infiity1455**


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